The Virgin Queen, Maybe... But Not the Virgin Court

Elizabeth I, Queen of England....and supposed holder of virginity. The year was 1558 and the day was November 17th; Elizabeth Tudor, at the age of 25, had finally come to the moment in her life where she was to fulfill her destiny as Queen (quite incredible how she managed to acquire it at all, but that's a story for another time). Now, for those of you out there that aren't familiar with gender roles in 16th century England, let me just say that, yepp, you guessed it, men were the ones that generally held all the power. When it came to who ruled the country it was a widespread belief that women weren't capable of maintaining such a position. The grumbling that went on when she was crowned was apparent. I'm going to pick on a certain man named Thomas Becon, a clergyman and author, who upon hearing the next monarch was a woman was quoted angrily proclaiming, “Ah, Lord! To take away the empire from a man, and give it to a woman, seems to be an evident token of thine anger towards us Englishman.” Well, Thomas, God must have been REALLY angry at you Englishman to crown Elizabeth right after her dear, dear older sister, Queen Mary, had just royally screwed up holding the position herself. Everyone bloody hated the woman (which is an exageration, but she had to get the nickname, "Bloody Mary," somehow). From day one of Elizabeth's reign the royal council was in a hurry to get a ring on her finger so they could sleep at night knowing there was a man who could rule the country the correct way and create heirs to the throne. Unfortunately, for the council, they wouldn't be getting much sleep that night or in the next 45 years because Elizabeth would never get married. Twenty-one year old, Kelly Clarkson, would have been so proud!

Mary Tudor

Now, on to the topic at hand: SEX. Elizabeth didn't get married for lack of suitors. The girl had them lining up like she was Meghan Fox being auctioned off for a date. Even though she never married any of them doesn't mean she didn't entertain them. She knew how to play mind games and utilized that skill to the utmost extent. There would be times where she told her council should would marry the man they chose for her and then at the last minute change her mind. Many speculate whether this was a tactic she knowingly used to keep the council at bay and keep the power of the crown to herself. But in remaining independent rumors started to fly around Europe that she couldn't bear children. In the next minute, she was already pregnant with Robert Dudley's child. Good ol' Robert Dudley. He was the man who was most frequent in Elizabeth's life. Dudley was a childhood friend of Elizabeth's and was always in her life one way or another (power hungry perhaps?). Some claim he was the only one she was ever in love with, but we can never know for sure. We DO know she rejected his advances to become her husband, so Elizabeth may have been just a little more power hungry than him! There is one other scenario that her council probably didn't even think about for pure absurdity: Elizabeth Tudor wanted to remain single and genuinely didn't want kids. If that's the truth, I have to give her some major brownie points for her forward thinking...and doing it on one of the biggest stages in the world. She's got balls! Well, many would have preferred if that were true. Besides, according to Elizabeth, she WAS married; “I have already joined myself in marriage to a husband, namely the kingdom of England.”

What do we know about Queen Elizabeth's sexual relations? I'm sorry to say, not much. She could have been the virgin many wanted her to have been. She also could have gone to bed with every one of her suitors. In that case, she is the all-time greatest sneaker to have ever lived. A sneak here, a sneak there, she be sneakin' everywhere. This idea is favorable to those who like to think she took after her own mother, Anne Boleyn, who had her head chopped off by King Henry VIII (Elizabeth's father) for charges of adultery. I know what you're thinking and, yes, her family history makes the Kennedy curse look tame in comparison.

But the term "sneaky"can not be applied to the ladies and gentlemen of Elizabeth's court. The court was made up of various people who were considered privileged and they lived to serve the Queen. The men and women wore the latest fashion and beauty trends established by Elizabeth. The best-looking, richest, and highly educated people of England under the same roof?? Hormones were flying. Scholar, Paul Hammer, wrote an article on this exact topic, revealing that the subject of sex within the court wasn't written about because it was deemed inappropriate. As gender relations changed throughout the years of Elizabeth's reign, so too did the attitudes towards sex. According to Hammer, the court went buck wild during the 1590's and sex outside of marriage was rampant. S C A N D E L O U S. One reason for this was that Elizabeth was getting older in age and had less authority. When Elizabeth was in her prime she would have taken care of such sexual liaisons swiftly and harshly. I like to picture her nestled on the throne with the culprits kneeling before her as she smugly states, "God forgive you, but I never can."